My Chaotic Realm

Well...the Tornado is wrecking havoc on Spirit Walker... and about to get placed on permanent purgatory at this rate... there is a point of no return, and it is rapidly approaching. There is only so much abuse you can heap on someone, and it is about to overflow, I think. >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> It turns out that my little EnergyField is reading my blog because it can recite the names of those listed... then promptly wonders WHY it is not listed... too freaking funny... now let's see how long it takes to come back to me. >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> Enigma is still overworked, but backing down some on the schedule and may actually be able to enyoy some firework, possibly of the July 4th variety, possibly of the personal..one can hope. Be nice to see a blossoming relationship spring up in some of the newly available "spare time" but might need to free up more than an h...

Well, due to an unseen chain of events, my son asked me about my ex-husband's whereabouts finally... last Thursday. And, never being one to sidestep questions, I told him what I knew. And, being a true child of mine, he took what I knew, turned it into something he could work with and was speaking (via landline) with the biological father he had not seen since he was 11 yrs old. And even that encounter was purely accidental. But those things happen in a small town, go figure. Needless to say, my ex was a bit surprised, figuring he had been written off for good due to his own lack of judgment over the last (almost) two decades. He underestimates my child's capacity for kindness and his willingness to overlook others faults. One of life's truths that I have tried to instill in my son is that very little (if any) of other people's actions TOWARDS you is actually BECAUSE of you. My ex did not abandon my son BECAUSE of my son, he did it due to his own shame and/or guilt...

Well... I have been having this internal taffy pull of sorts. Why? Well... I have found a partner that fits me perfectly, that has a lot of the same interests as me, that has the same outlook, that shares most of the same beliefs I do. My life's path is on what I feel to be sold ground. And yet, I can't bring myself to share that joy with anyone other than the one's already on my path. Therein lies the taffy pull. I look around me at the people involved in my life and assume they will judge my happiness based on their own truth rather than trusting me to know my own truth. I am comfortable in my own skin, in being my own self, and yet I look around me and see that I do not "match" what others expect, and even today that still rankles me a bit... the feeling that I am still not "accepted" completely. I am not an oddity. I simply do not function well under the same handicaps as others, that is all. So, today as I am seeking some input from the Universe...

Well, apparently, in spite of my best intentions, even at this "advanced stage" in my human development, I still manage to stick my entire foot in my mouth and chew on it for long periods of time. I have said something to someone that I meant one way but that was taken quiet another by the intended listener. In retrospect, and with what I know about this person, I really should have said it some other way. I made an analogy using the one thing that is sacrosanct to that individual but that -to me- is but a small part of a larger picture. Egos are delicate things, and when you base almost your very existence around one thing in particular, you tend to guard it fiercely... and so I have injured someone I care greatly about but I have no real recourse, other than to apologize. Sigh...

Well, sixth full moon according to Native Americans.Yesterday was the 1st portion of the Great Cosmic Mother (in the Goddess Book club I am part of). We are taking it in 3 parts...awesome book! Some awesome women make up that group, I tell ya!. Pat & Renee are co-sponsoring it, and both are also priestesses in RCG. Pat is so knowledgable about women's history that it is just a treat to hear her speak. And Renee's personality lights up the room. She will be performing our handfasting at Lughnasa. We have a planning meeting scheduled for this coming Saturday to go over some things with her. Tonight is my weekly meeting with my gal pals for coffee, Tues is dinner w/Jayce and his SO whilst she is in town, Weds is the SanMarcos Pagan dinner, Thursday is free (so far!), Friday is the Austin Pagan Dinner, Saturday is Renee, and Sunday is Father's Day...whew!! What a week!! With the full moon comes a full calendar! Life with SpiritWalker has been so full...and wonderful!! I...

trying to go for see green text here as we are soon to be headed for the OCEAN!! Spirit has an more hour of work until vacation time ... getting last minute stuff ready like oil changed, etc. hotel reserved at tip of our trek, then we'll just head south to Mexico and take it as we go!! book list written out... we want to take some stuff to catch up on... Spirit is studying/carving runes whilst I am trying to catch up on my color & stone energies as well as my book club for June (Great Cosmic Mother) . And of course sunscreen, towels, chairs, icechests. :-) No alarms, no jobs, no kids... just us... wow!! Tonight we are going to WholeLifeBooks on S Lamar to hear someone speak on a fave topic of ours... Wicca. Not so much for topic, but to meet some like minded folks and mingle.

Enigma is having kind of a crappy week. Took the 3rd candle to finish the set... brown for compassion. 1st one was blue for serenity, 2nd was red for passion. Well, appropriately enough, the color for today is white... protection...so I spent some of my energy surrounding Enigma in white light. Because that is how I handle energy...as color, as light. SpiritWalker handles it as raw energy, which amazes me. I cannot feel it, I have to see it. And it has to be right here, right now... she can see it even after it has left, which REALLY astounds me. Any way, I do not know if it helped much, but I'd like to think it helps the day go by a bit brighter & easier. Left a small memento as a reminder that someone is thinking nice thoughts... :-) Speaking of thinking... am thinking I'd like to cast a circle in Enigma's bedroom for some of the sleepless nights worrying about job issues... too much work goes home. Guess that sort of job is hard to leave at the office....