Son finds Bio-Sperm
Well, due to an unseen chain of events, my son asked me about my ex-husband's whereabouts finally... last Thursday. And, never being one to sidestep questions, I told him what I knew. And, being a true child of mine, he took what I knew, turned it into something he could work with and was speaking (via landline) with the biological father he had not seen since he was 11 yrs old. And even that encounter was purely accidental. But those things happen in a small town, go figure. Needless to say, my ex was a bit surprised, figuring he had been written off for good due to his own lack of judgment over the last (almost) two decades. He underestimates my child's capacity for kindness and his willingness to overlook others faults. One of life's truths that I have tried to instill in my son is that very little (if any) of other people's actions TOWARDS you is actually BECAUSE of you. My ex did not abandon my son BECAUSE of my son, he did it due to his own shame and/or guilt relating to his OWN behaviours at that time. It was NEVER about my son. And he knows that. I have tried to stay very quiet on the subject so that he could form his own opinions. When questioned now about these things, my son asks "Why don't you tell me this stuff?!?". Well, because I think he should form his own relationship based on his own experiences, not on what I went through or what others in the family saw or what they still think about my ex, ya know? My son will need a clean slate to build an adult "one on one" with this man who was NOT a father, who was NOT a part of the formulative process, who will NEVER make up for what he was not present for, and who should not even attempt it now. I understand my son is 19, that he is an "adult" that has chosen this course of action, but I am also STILL a mother who is still cautious and concerned and wary. This situation will be watched, albeit from a distance. My son knows where I am if he has concerns. He is sharing with me the talks, the emails. He is not open to being taken advantage of, or to being manipulated by this man who participated in bringing him into the world, only to walk away and turn his back on him less than a year later. The two of us got this far by ourselves because we love each other, we take care of each other, and because we know we can trust in each other to be there. Stay tuned.