My Chaotic Realm

Okay, yes, i know i am behind in my posting...good thing I am the only one payin' attenton, huh? well, another successful weekend sailingon Lake Travis...preparing for the California trip... just over 2 weeks away!! I am SO excited. Gonna sail, look up a business or two and see if anything pans out there, meet some of Dave's friends, and generally try to remember that I DO have to come back. The sun, the ocean breeze, the gulls, the smell of the salt in the air, the sound of the surf...I could grow accustomed to that life.... Okay, one more place to post and I am in the bed!

well... it seems to be more of a weekly thing than a daily thing... but here I am again! My week was spent productively, believe it or not. Sunday the 7th we went to see Granny & Granddad for the evening, then Monday Jayce & I went shopping for dorm stuff & clothes. Cant send him to college in tattered clothing, now can I? Tuesday was spent with Dave, repairing a window on the boat...will see how it holds up & then plan the other side. Also got teak railings off to redo them... that seems like a major task, even compared to the leaky window. Last night was dinner and a meeting with Sheila, who I've not spent much time with lately. Saturday will be my neice's birthday BBQ in Hutto, TX. Then hopefully sailing on Sunday to round out a week spent rather well. Boss missed me on Mon & Tues, that was heartwarming. :-)

well...upped the pace a bit... got 2 miles walked in 35 mins. I was shooting for 30, but stopped to pick up my wandering kitty along the way! Tomorrow is weingh-in for my Weight Watchers group... course, only been walking for 2 days... wont show much, if at all...sigh. New employee started at work today- Terri. Seems really decent, not to gun shy about learning stuff, and friendly to boot. Single mom, altho her kids are all over 20 (boys, all of them..sheesh!!).

Well...I thought I'd give walking a try.... took me 30 minutes to walk 1.5 miles or so.... did the outer loop (road) around my apartment complex (1 mile) and then the inner loop inside the complex (another 1/2 mile). Believe it or not, it was actually fun!! Why have I not taken up walking before now?

well... been going thru some depression, some grieving, some anger. Am not angry at people, per se, but at losses. And it dawns on me I do not know how to LOSE people. I know how to leave them, especially before they leave me. .. defensive mechanism. When I lost Danny, I did not feel I could grieve that loss so I set it aside. My friends did not much care for him or his being in my life this time around... they thought I 'd given him too many chances already. But love does not count chances. Love simply is. Then, losing David 47 days later has just sunk me. I cry, which is not something I did for Danny. Maybe the 2 are rolling up into 1 and that is why grief has set in this time, why I cannot just set it aside. "Snowball" effect or some such. I feel, now, like something was taken from me... a Dream. One I’ve kept tucked carefully away so no one would see it. Now the losses have wounded me so deep that you can't see my pain. I am going to have to fully grieve these...

Well... started off weekend helping Pam get her room taken care of... then helped Amy solve an Excel propblem... then the real fun began. :-) I had met someone recently that invited me for coffee... never a wrong option! Believe it or no, we spent TWO HOURS over coffee...OMG! Was not strained, which was nice. .. chat flowed without those "embarrassing moments" of silence. Not that I can BE silent... so says my mom. Went home Saturday night and started on another book...this one is "Angels & Demons" by Dan Brown. Sunday was leisurely since son was away... slept late, cooked a good breakfast, then met w/Elizabeth to go to Austin for an area business meeting. Got that done and was home by 6pm to cook brisket and potatoes for dinner with my son! A blessed peaceful weekend... I look forward to those. Saturday the 16th is art day. Who knew I had a life after motherhood?!?!

Well, am 4 hours away from the weekend. I have to work tomorrow, but that does not really count. I'll bring my "Self_Portrait" swap to work on. Also have to file & have a 5 page list of people that owe money.. I LOVE sneaking up on them on weekends! Then to Pam's to help her set up an art area in a spare bedroom, then a swim, then Coffee w/Sailing Dave. Sunday I am hooking up w/Elizabeth for a ride into Austin to do some stuff in town, but only after sleeping late & having a liesurely breakfast! No stress...no worry... a good plan, I think. May everyone else fare so well...