not at all uplifting...

well... been going thru some depression, some grieving, some anger. Am not angry at people, per se, but at losses. And it dawns on me I do not know how to LOSE people. I know how to leave them, especially before they leave me. .. defensive mechanism. When I lost Danny, I did not feel I could grieve that loss so I set it aside. My friends did not much care for him or his being in my life this time around... they thought I 'd given him too many chances already. But love does not count chances. Love simply is. Then, losing David 47 days later has just sunk me. I cry, which is not something I did for Danny. Maybe the 2 are rolling up into 1 and that is why grief has set in this time, why I cannot just set it aside. "Snowball" effect or some such. I feel, now, like something was taken from me... a Dream. One I’ve kept tucked carefully away so no one would see it. Now the losses have wounded me so deep that you can't see my pain. I am going to have to fully grieve these losses, I think, in order to heal. And I am not comfortable with that yet, but I am learning to do it, with the help of others who love me, and who've lost.

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